Posts Tagged ‘stage fright’
That’s my own name for what happened and is still happening with Mr. Gray-glo and his blog or more accurately lack of blog.
My one reader has noticed and mentioned a lack of posting in his Christmas email greeting.
And as I sat here facing this screen and hands at the ready poised over the keys…nothing happened. Nothing physically did. No typing.
My mind was flooded with thoughts and ideas and the emotions that follow. Inside was turmoil that maybe a more seasoned and talented writer could have handled and rode instead of letting the emotions ride him.
So the fingers didn’t tap and the screen stayed blank. Mr. Gray-glo logged off the site and logged off…
I did respond to email debates on politics. But it was specific to the question or challenge posed and these mini-email debates may have been fodder for a post if they too did not get tangled inside with all the others screaming for attention and posts.
My mom’s health and triple by-pass was powerful but was trumped by the health of our republic and body politic.
Both important and both lost out as I fought how to not ignore one at the expense of the other.
And the inter-personal and relationship with those you love and those who love you and the problems that come when they are under stresses. Those weigh heavy on both mind and heart.
Mr. Gray-glo can mess up his own life on his own just as well as he can create his own good fortune. The intricate connections with friends and family and love and something akin to love’s absence makes messing and good fortune both in the mix inside my brain; confusion and clarity merge…
And the screen stays blank as the keyboard fall quiet from lack of finger taps.
Like those people who fall behind with their bill payments and then become frozen in inaction as they fall further and further behind, I felt the pressure of falling behind in my writing and posting.
I would look back and see the last post from August 11 grow more distant in my mind’s rear-view mirror.
The moment of clarity came when the bill for renewing my site came.
Why am I paying for this site where no one writes and not many even read?
But I did renew.
So, now the empty screen awaits another year.
Stage Fright lurks ever so close and whispers all my failings to me.
The problems still exist: politics, elections, mom’s health, my relationship with friends and love.
The problem of not sorting it out and making myself type is still there, too.
Stage Fright you are a formidable foe.
But I have beat you before and will again.
This post is testament to it.